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October 18, 2012
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Welcome back Daicanna, you have twenty three million unread messages.


Daicanna was vomiting through her lungs, suspended by amniotic gel as she violently convulsed. Everything ached with senses fluxing between nausea and stinging acidic pangs. An attempt to open her eyes resulted in little more than a blurry amalgamation of shapes masked behind an omnipresent orange haze. She knew underdeveloped lungs were no use to her here, however the will to breathe, at first, was hard to ignore. Her heart beat slowed as she regained control. Acute pain mellowed to the dull ache of lactic acid drenched muscles. She could feel her body now, similar to the last time she had been alive with no more or fewer appendages. Although inert, wet-wired nodules felt similar in size and placement. She tentatively grasped her hand, fresh skin pulled against bone. Joints squeaked under the strain of weak muscles and inelastic tendons. 'Oh, this is new' she thought looking at her fingers, feeling the same sensation through to her shoulders. Tattoos from fingernail tip to neck, lit up as her hybrid biology awoke. She also noticed her mind was, more subtly, different. Daicanna felt infinite compartments of nothingness as her consciousness opened doors to find the same void within each. By now her telepathic senses were establishing themselves, first sensing the waking groans and disquiet of the others, before finding global access.

"5000 years? What the fuck is going on!" She thought realising that none of her pet revival conditions had been met. Annoyance soured the onrush of dazed thoughts and fuzzy logic. Flashes of repressed memories made anything other than primordial instincts, difficult to focus on. She had suspicions for why she was alive again, and with little else productive to occupy her thoughts, it wasn't long before her desire to avoid her overgrown inbox gave way to the urge of just needing to know. She customised a news archive side bar spanning the time period she was away.It gave the context needed, to understand contacts as trends or speaking habits changed over millennia. She started to read, thousands at a time; year blogs from friends and family, messages from old Navy contacts, institutions that she had been apart of. There were as always, plenty announcements from unsolicited services, of which she promptly junked. Prominent within the early parts of the stream, was the first contact narrative between Arkaedos and Kacylis. "Okay… big deal but likely to happen. Why wake me up a thousand years later?" As the messages had become more recent, each became dense with sensory and emotional content; entangled dreams and imaginary worlds taking ever longer to read. "There's still a difference between being asleep and dead" she thought as she skipped a growing number of mails with subjective run times of more than a year. She had come to the last century of messages. The joy and confidence that filled the engrams of earlier messages had gone. People had begun to ask if she was returning, and if this was how it was like the last time she was alive. "No." She thought to the latter.

Daicanna was Kacylian, member of a culture whose expanse extended thousands of light years and hundreds of worlds. With a personality that rarely, if ever enjoyed the daily minutia of human societies on any scale, apathy, not conflict committed her into a state once reserved for the dead. Daicanna was a starfighter, warrior of the Kushauwan, a navy unrivalled during her last life. She was one of the quiet heroes that allowed armies to function, subordinate to few, commander to many. Any decision made to restore her, would have been based on timing, not of necessity. However, she scarcely cared for the cause and beyond the threat of extinction, she was never likely to. Mood softeners kicked in as her autonomous responses flooded her brain with cognitive enhancement hormones. "So it's happening, a full rotation?" she thought as the last messages, a flurry of Military notifications and mission countdowns flickered past her minds eye. With improving sight, she pushed against the back of the gestation tank, seeing past the hazy bio-plasmic jelly that surrounded her. In the room beyond were the amber glows of other wombs. Hero's, leaders, legends and myths, born again in there thousands in a way Daicanna had seen only once before during her many lives.
"We really don't fuck around do we?"

(Oops had to upload again.)
This is the prologue to War in Hypercolour featuring a character who becomes more involved with things towards the middle of the book.

Things haven't been going as well as I would have liked, I'm only at 30% of the final novel written, and that will most likely follow rewrites and a significant editing process. But I thought I should at least give you a preview of something towards the beginning of the novel, something completely anyway.

As always, your critiques, compliments, suggestions and thoughts are gold.
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:iconashraiofsyrinx:
AshraiofSyrinx Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
Intriguing doesn't even begin to cover it... I don't want to write a "critique" atm, but here's some hopefully constructive thoughts/questions.

Maybe it's just the lack of explanation yet, but it seems odd that she has "revival conditions".. Based on just this except, Diacanna has no apparent motivation for rebirth. The "apathy" of her culture appears to be a personal trait and her thoughts on the messages confirm it. You hint that she (and others) are being revived because they are needed to fight (for their civilization's very survival?), so the comment on revival conditions seems contradictory.

IMO the rebirth imagery is a bit over the top. The "amniotic fluid" and "umbilical cord" in particular seem excessive. This is probably just me, but their mention also irritates my suspense of disbelief. Any civilization advanced enough to have some sort of stasis/corpse revival would have more efficient systems for nutrient delivery. "bio-plasmic jelly" works much better for me.

I do really love the description of her awakening. It really captures the confusion and shock.

The "telepathic" mailbox is a great metaphor/feature. Very amusing

What do you mean by "the question to bring her back... would have been based on timing, not of necessity"? I'm really lost here.

On a side note: I really hope you have a pronunciation guide because those names are completely foreign to me :D

And damn that's quite the vocabulary you have there...
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:iconsupersampled:
supersampled Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Professional Filmographer
Epic Feedback:

Re: Revival Conditions: Maybe this should read 'Personal revival conditions - things she was personally interested. I actually explained this in some detail with earlier edits. She wanted to witness grand geological events on some of her favorite worlds, the birth or death of stars, and other natural events that had little to do with the rhythm of human life. I will try and find a more elegant way of putting this.

Rebirth imagery: I somewhat agree, especially with the umbilical cord - perhaps a little unnecessary thick on the parallels. Might remove that reference.

Re: The question to bring her back. This does indeed need clarification. I wanted to describe that she was an essential part of the naval machinery and the powers that be, would have spent no time deciding that she was vital.

Re: Pronunciation guide - Certainly sir.
Arkaedos (civilisation) => Ar-KAY-Dos
Nlaide (Arkaedian Navy) => NA-lay-ed
Wayok (Protagonist) => WHY-oc
Cellishi (Protagonist) => sell-EE-shi

Kacylis => KAY-sil-is
Kushuawan (Kacylian Navy) => KOOS-sha-wan
Daicanna => DIE-can-na

Thanks once again for your interest, should I post the character introduction chapter bit for the Protagonists? :)
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:iconashraiofsyrinx:
AshraiofSyrinx Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012
Selfishly, I want you to post everything :P

I figured some of my confusion is just from running into things out of order, but it's good to know there's a method to the madness :)
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:iconxarxemas:
Xarxemas Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Damn interesting!
Admittedly though, it needs one or two editing passes.
Looking forward to more!
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:iconsupersampled:
supersampled Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Professional Filmographer
100% correct on the editing required, looking forward to sending you one of the first PDF's of the opening part. :)
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:iconxarxemas:
Xarxemas Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
gah, sir you honour me :)
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:icongivenvalueoftrue:
givenvalueoftrue Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
This is pretty intriguing...will give a critique when I've free time back from work :) But on first read it was clear and easily followed. Mixing enough mystery with detailing to make the reader wonder enough to keep reading.
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:iconsupersampled:
supersampled Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Professional Filmographer
Thank you. I look forward to it.
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:icongivenvalueoftrue:
givenvalueoftrue Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Firstly, I am approaching this as if it's the short blurb you get on book covers and reviews. I really like the description, it got me visualising all the detailed and started immersing me in the setting. Try not to go overboard with them though, it's a fine line between something that aids the reader in moving through the story and holding the reader by the hand and not leaving much to the imagination.

The description is great for a short story as you need the details to get the reader hooked in a short space of time. For a longer narrative, which I guess you are working on, I would space out the description and tease the reader a little more about the details to encourage them to fill in the gaps and/or read further.

Other than that, a few more editing passes would be good. Overall I am excited to read more about the world you are building. From this short passage I can see you are putting a lot of thought and effort into it. Nice one!
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:iconsupersampled:
supersampled Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Professional Filmographer
Thanks for your critic and comments - and apologies that it's taken so long to reply.
There are some sections that are a whole lot more info-dumpy than others - in general there's a lot of flowing dialogue, it just doesn't make much sense (I think) without the bits inbetween.

Anyway, you'll be one of the first people I contact when I start sending previews of the finished story.

Thanks once again.
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