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March 20, 2012
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Twenty thousand years ago, a sphere of Iron a kilometre in diameter fell into a star.

Surrounding this star lived a trillion humans on a ring shaped world made out of silica and graphite. It was not unlike the Ark, which surrounded Halcyon and it's companion star. It plummeted through the photosphere, onion skins of computational substrate, atoms thick, boiled away; processing an algorithm only this particular machine, at this particular star and at this particular moment, could solve. Smaller and hotter the machine became, feeding on the energy and chaos from within the tumultuous solar atmosphere. As the last layers of substrate evaporated, quantum fluctuations unseen since the beginning of time realigned one of the broken symmetries that defined the universe.

For a moment lasting less than a second, gravity no longer existed within the star ending 3 billion years of nuclear equilibrium. Fusion ceased as the escaping plasma created concurrent shockwaves that ripped apart the stars outer layers. Within minutes, spacial waves from the gravitationally absent star had traveled the radius of the ring-world fracturing it like a glass ribbon. Soon after, the habitat's atmospheres and oceans flash heated into iridescent plasma as its superstructure, worlds thick, evaporated in a super nova wind that outshone the combined brightness of the Milky Way. Few within the world survived, whilst many worlds far beyond the star became uninhabitable.

Wayok sat looking at the soon to be doomed sun. Fields of fern, moss and dense lichen covered a flat bed of loose rock and pebbles. Beyond it, the distant crashes of waves and the churn of the sea cycled with the breeze. This was his virtual diorama of the perfect burn. An hour of time transposed in near atomic detail, the star and it's sun spots, the ring world and it's continents. Oceans, mountains, forests, trees and leaves, for the most part, as they were twenty thousand years ago. He could explore every facet of every individuals existence within the star system, explore their thoughts and emotions or delve into their very own virtual constructs of equal complexity and become lost in worlds within worlds. Wayok had assembled it all. It started as an innocent, youthful fascination with the seminal moment of human history. He had mashed public records and hobbyist recreations together generating the broad strokes. Later, he began to stumble upon a growing number of revelations and departures from the canon. He had torn down Legends, seen myths disproven, or proven to have been so antithetical to the actual evidence, he had struggled to reconcile how those myths where born. He browsed or founded forums trading information anonymously, often with people engaged in similar projects. Ceaselessly, he had used every iota of acquired privilege and kleptomania to gather the information to simulate or reverse engineer this virtual world. He was offered with the opportunity of joining Arkaedian Sy-Op's, one for which he had nearly turned down, doubting his own ability to control such an obsession within an environment rich with classified information from that era. In the years since joining, Wayok often attempted periods of abstinence, avoiding his virtual construct for  months before, after gorging on new information from the archive, building entirely new installations or adding thousands of new people all at once. Often this information came with inconsistencies, ones that became harder to resolve as time went on. Even after the tens of thousands of subjective years Wayok had spent within the virtualities run-time, some areas did not have the resolution he desired - and best guesses or artistic licence were taken.

Here was one of these places, the blood red star hovering over the beaches horizon washed the sky in a lilac hue. The warm, languid, breeze carried some of the saltiness from the sea. He had thought about bringing someone here many times, someone close, someone he trusted or someone he thought would understand, but he had no one. Instead he had kept this a secret. As his personal stature increased, and his security clearance rose, he spent ever more time spent hiding his obsession in a way that had forced him to create a divergent personality. As Cellishi had noted, some of his behaviour had become harder to ignore. He had always been mindful of what pattern-heuristics would uncover but the simple observation that he had never been been to the Ark, a decision linked to his obsession, had reminded how difficult major oversights could be to avoid.  Lately, reality had begun to take the lions share of his attention. As he sat on the rocky beach that within an hour, would no longer exist again, he began to wonder which world was the distraction.

That was an excerpt from "War in Hypercolour" (a book I'm writing really really slowly). It's from the first story and describes the main character, Wayok from that part.

It's a first draft, so feel free to ask questions, I would love serious critique from writers or avid science fiction readers, and any SPG corrections are welcome!

It's unlikely I'll be posting much more of this anytime soon (although if you fancy helping me edit this, PM me and I can provide you with drafts!) but I thought some of you might be interested in seeing part of what i've been up to of late.


Hopefully, normal service (spaceships!) should return in summer...

Until then...
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:icongeneralc:
GeneralC Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Student Digital Artist
this was truly awe inspiring! if this is just a taste, i can guarantee i'll be first in line to buy this book
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:iconsupersampled:
supersampled Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012  Professional Filmographer
It's comments like this that keep me going, thanks man.
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:iconashraiofsyrinx:
AshraiofSyrinx Featured By Owner May 1, 2012
Wow this is really intriguing to say the least. I can only guess at how detailed this universe is in your mind and how little of it I just got to see on paper.

You've got a nice talent for epic prose, but I think you need to take a step back occasionally to simplify what's happening. You've got a lot of technobabble combined with really detailed description. It's actually so detailed that I get lost in what's actually happening trying to keep track of it.

The description of Wyok has a much better balance between the prose and events. I'm not sure what you're planning obviously, but I feel that his background is actually rushed. There's a lot of story that could be told and instead it reads like a brief summary that you put in so you could get on to the real story.

If this is the very beginning, I would like to see more explanation about the various names like Cellishi and Arkadian. The names are just dropped in passing and while I assume that you intend to explain them later, you're hitting the reader a bit hard with names and places we've never heard without any explanation.

Two little things. "Iron" is capitalized at the beginning and I'm guessing that's a typo. Not sure about this, but is "Sy Ops" just an alternate spelling of "Psi" or "Psy"? Never seen it used before.

Overall this has a tremendous amount of potential and it seems like you have a lot of really interesting concepts for this universe. I look forward to anything else you're willing to post ^^
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:iconsupersampled:
supersampled Featured By Owner May 11, 2012  Professional Filmographer
Thats some amazing feedback.
It's been fascinating to me how, immediately after creating something, you believe it's amazing/fantastic/awesome/legendary however after little after a few months, you're almost embarrassed that you ever created it.

Just to give you a little more detail on this book. War in Hypercolour originally started as a graphic novel. A pulp fiction esq collection of short, sometimes interconnected stories within the same universe. Since writing, those short stories have become longer, the book as/will become less graphic and more novel and the levels of epic have exponentially increased... So I have lots of unresolved conflicts on how to pace aspects of the story, especially given the format of the novel which in of itself may or may not improve the overall experience of this book.

As for your specific comments:
Simplifying and clarifying a lot of what is going on in that opening section is definitely something i'm going to work on.

Although this is 4 or 5 thousand words into the story, it's the first time we've really began to see what makes Wayok tick. We do have more moments from Wayoks past interwoven into the narrative later on. But for the most part, this section is really an excursion from the main narrative. Maybe a glimpse of the imperfections that plague a figure most within the world believe to be impeccable.

Iron is now iron. Sy Op's stands for Systems & Operations. Which is explained earlier on.

I wasn't planning on posting any more writing on deviantart, but if you would like, I could PM you a PDF in a few days with current progress on the story and synopsis?
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:iconashraiofsyrinx:
AshraiofSyrinx Featured By Owner May 18, 2012
Embarrassed doesn't even begin to describe how I've felt when rereading some of my earlier work so I completely empathize.

I'm of the entirely biased opinion that novel always beats graphic novel in terms of experience so I'm, entirely selfishly, glad that you made the switch. It allows for so much more detail and aside stories which I really appreciate.

I'd love to keep reading if you feel comfortable PMing some of it, especially the beginning, so I can see where this is coming from. I can't promise timely feedback since class is currently running me ragged just trying to keep up, but I'd like to see more of your ideas on this universe.
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:iconblue-moon-legacy:
blue-moon-legacy Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It sounds awesome. I love the descriptiveness. I'm just having a little trouble understanding it... I'm not sure how it sit's in your mind when you tell the story but from reading it, what I grasp is that the character 'Wayok' is building planetary systems, but I can't tell if it's virtual systems, or if he's actually taking part in actually building real systems? (like in 'hitchhikers guide to the galaxy') and are they only being built for the moment of and directly surrounding a supernova ? Also it seems to me that he is 'building' this out of glimpses of 'history'...

So in short, it sounds awesome, but it needs clarity... but i am loving it so far :)
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:iconsupersampled:
supersampled Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Professional Filmographer
Thank you for your brilliant comment.

I do admit I should have made it clearer that this was a virtual environment that repeated over and over again. Will make changes in a few hours and update. Let me know if you want to read the rest of what I've written whilst I have a gander at your gallery. :)
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:iconblue-moon-legacy:
blue-moon-legacy Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah definitely, let me know when you've updated it, I'd love to see it :)
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